South We Go

Rain poured and wind howled throughout the entire night. This morning was gray and drizzly. I did NOT want to get out of bed to make our 7am gym reservation, even though we had our morning pretty tightly planned; quick gym session at 7am, get ready and head to the hot spring by 8am to get pictures during the quieter resort guest exclusive hours before they open to day guests, breakfast at 9:30am, and on the road to Tango Mar at 10:30am to get here well before dark. It was a nice plan. Brandon was wide awake and trying to annoy me out of bed but I didn’t give in. He was running late for our plan too and finally left for the gym about 7:45am. I wasn’t too far behind him because no matter how much I would like to rest; let’s face it, we ALL feel better 100% of the time we workout. The resort gym is small and hot so I was glad Brandon was also good to make it a short workout. But I still knocked out some cardio, abs, and legs before we changed into our bathing suits and went to the lobby to grab a shuttle for the one minute drive to the hot springs.

Since the hot springs are only open for hotel guests from 8am-10am it felt like a special treat to be there, practically by ourselves, during daylight hours. We slipped right into the most picturesque spring to get some good pictures. Another couple joined us in the spring a few minutes later and the woman asked if we’d like to her to take some pictures of us together. Score! We laughed as she was greatly enjoying herself snapping away, even directing us how to pose. We were all having fun. We tried to return the favor but she uttered some excuse about her significant other not been ready for pictures. Which was good because we didn’t have much time anyways!

We meandered our way back to Shangri La, the garden and springs always exclusive to adult resort guests only, and took some time to enjoy the “bird’s nest” lounge areas. A butterfly the size of my hand flew before us, adding to the magic.

The little nests were pretty wet from the storm, which made them pretty cold, but they were still so beautiful and sexy. We were taking way too much time and we not only missed our breakfast reservations, but by the time we left the springs at 10:30 the breakfast restaurant wasn’t even open anymore. I was sad to miss my last morning of that delicious green onion, mushroom, tomato, spinach, cheese, and ham omelette.

As soon as we hit the road it was clear that last night’s storm may have been more extreme than the norm. It was also clear that we were lucky we had power last night; I wouldn’t be surprised if the resort was actually operating on a generator at this point. Just a minute past the hot springs downed power lines were all over; it was obvious that they had been snaking across the road all night. Multiple crews were on scene, working on to upright power lines and direct traffic on the narrow two-lane road. This wouldn’t be the first obstacle we’d encounter within 30 minutes of hitting the road.

Just five minutes later we’d come across another crew working on more down powered lines. And just another five minutes past them we’d be stopped by a cuter obstacle, a group of AT LEAST 27 monkey cats (aka: coatis if you want to be proper) had the road at a complete stop as they crossed back and forth across the narrow lanes, stopping in the middle to check out the cars and wonder if food would emerge from them, and then digging in the muddy earth on either side. I was nervous they would try to jump into the car, they were so curious and ravenous! The little babies reminded me of little kittens and I wanted to snatch one up for a cuddle so bad!

Two minutes past the gang of adorable little monkey cats were again stopped in our tracks. Some dumb dumb had driven their car off the road and a large truck was trying to help tow them out. It was a shit show. The couple driving the car had the woman in the driver seat and the man, quite uselessly trying to direct the process. Brandon couldn’t help but yell out the window with directions and it became clear that they were too dumb to be helped when the man had to actually tell the woman behind the wheel to stop using the brakes. Other people abandoned their cars to provide guidance but it was useless, they refused to listen to logic and eventually the driver of the truck hopped out of his cab, unhooked the tow strap, and told them they were on their own. Don’t feel bad for them, they deserved it.

Four minutes later another, albeit smaller, group of monkey cats again stopped us in our tracks. It’s clear that this is THEIR territory and we should be so lucky as far them to allow us passage.

Finally, we were free of obstructions and able to start covering some ground. We stopped at Cafe Macadamia, with a beautiful panoramic view of Lake Arenal and had a Casado for lunch. Casado is a typical Costa Rican lunch or dinner meal consisting of rice, beans, salad, plantain, protein, and maybe another veggie. The type of bean may vary from Casado to Casado but I loved the formulaic full plate. This particular Casado came with chicken and a fried egg. We hadn’t eaten yet this morning and this was a perfect meal on the gorgeous deck. Cafe kittens snoozed in the middle of the patio, paying no mind to the diners navigating around them.

The rest of the long drive to Tango Mar was relatively uneventful. We learned that if you drive behind a truck of cows, your car will get peed on. We learned that there’s a Chinese biotech engineering facility, compete with all sorts of cameras and barbed wire, on rural land (which made us really sad and really hope that our fabulous fruits and veggies of the trip weren’t all GMO). And we learned how to order chicken drumsticks and thighs from a Pollolandia in Paquera. Our Pollolandia chain fried chicken snack wasn’t as good as the little independent road side fried chicken we’d had the day prior but we still enjoyed it. As did the feral cat who wasted no time begging for chicken when he saw this sucker standing on the sidewalk.

It was dark by the time we made it to our Tango Mar Resort, tucked down a long dirt road off the highway and right on the water. An armed guard let us through the front gate after confirming our purpose. The grounds were lush and beautiful, even in the dark, and it felt a tad charming when we checked in and received our archaic hotel room key on it’s 6” wooden plank keychain and a lock with another key to use on the safe in our room. As we were completing our check-in, a white haired older lady came out of the office to say hi. She informed us that she was Belgian and the manager and welcome. It felt very cold and not the least bit welcoming, as though she wanted it to be clear that this was her turf.

The outdoor hallways and stairs of the little oceanfront building that housed our room was dark and we fumbled around until we found lights to turn on. I was eager as Brandon unlocked the door and then, BAM, our noses were assaulted by a STRONG stench of baby powder. What in the actual fuck?! It was clear that it was some type of offensive air freshener situation and we scoured the room trying to find the cause. We were so busy trying to figure out how to cure the stench that it took a couple minutes for my dismal surroundings to set in and for me to realize how outdated and, well, cheap, most of the room seemed. I felt bad that I could not help but hide my disappointment. We both knew that there was no way we could stay in a place that smelled like this. Baby powder is one of my least favorite scents on the planet and I was already getting a headache from how strong it was.

We opened the patio doors and turned up the air conditioner, hoping to dispel the scent while we went down to the hotel restaurant for dinner. Oh the hotel restaurant, the menu was equally as disappointing as our room stench. It was not filled with amazing Costa Rican delights like we’d hoped but instead felt like cheap American diner food. Chicken parm? Spaghetti and meatballs? Cesar salad? You got it! With prices in US dollars. We are in Costa Rica, we are using colones, don’t give me a menu with US dollars on it. The only thing I could find on the menu worth eating was a Cesar salad with chicken. It was cool that the dressing was prepared table side but it was just ok and a pretty minuscule serving. Brandon had a chicken meal that had a gray hue, and it took until the next day to realize that the fried thing the chicken was perched upon was cheese.

We were seated for dinner in a smaller bar area as some sort of ceremony was happening in the main part of the restaurant. Locals dressed up in the flashiest finest had the main part of the restaurant for a special event. Young men and women were announced and walked forward to hug who appeared to be their parents and then take a seat. We confirmed with the front desk that my suspicions were right, it was a graduation celebration of sorts. This was not the average resident of the area, these were the wealthy. We wondered if it explained the armed guard.

During our dinner, the unfriendly Belgian lady came to ask us how everything was. I did not hesitate to tell her that the property seemed beautiful but so far our room was uninhabitable due to the disgustingly strong odor, asking her if there was an air freshener hiding in there that we needed to know about. She was a bit taken aback and informed us that the rooms were prepared for guests by spraying the welcoming scent. I informed her that the smell was not the last bit welcoming and to make sure they did not spray it in our room again. I stopped myself from telling her that we were seriously considering checking out and going to another property. During dinner I’d been trying to use the shoddy wifi to see if I could find somewhere nearby.

Upon checking in, we had been informed that the pools close at 6pm but that just means that if you use them after 6pm to be quiet. Desperate to feel refreshed, we went back to the room for a quick change so we could head down to the pool. We were a tiny bit relieved that with the patio door wide open and the air conditioner blasting the smell was starting to dissipate. At least the pool was the perfect warm temperature, overlooking the dark sea just steps away, and felt amazing after sweating over dinner.

When we got back to our room I found a saving grace. The smell had continued to lessen and I remembered that I had taken the little bottle of pillow mist they had left for us at Tabacon. We both loved that scent. I spritzed the hell out of that room, using up about 3/4 of the bottle and by some miracle, it actually seemed to neutralize the smell! While I still was not impressed, at least we didn’t need to find somewhere else to sleep tonight.