Missing the Magic

With today now free I ended up cancelling my Disneyland Paris ticket originally booked for Saturday, figuring a weekday would be less crowded. The Disneyland Paris website clearly says that tickets have to be printed and I don’t exactly have access to a printer here so I considered just buying one on-site today, as their website says ticket sales are available, but I knew it would be cheaper in advance to so I went for it and figured they’d find a way to work with my screenshot barcode. Apparently their website is outdated because lo and behold, my confirmation email included the link to download my MOBILE ticket. After quick one-hour Metro commute that included so much bad BO (Disney Paris isn’t in Paris at all, it’s 20+ miles away in Chessy) I made it to the Parc about half an hour after they opened. First observation, I’m sure glad I booked my ticket online since they sure as hell are NOT doing any ticket sales there. Come on guys, it takes two minutes to update a website.

The new COVID order went into effect in France yesterday whereby any leisure or cultural activity requires COVID vaccine proof via their special app, it’s only available to European Union citizens and they do not have their “visitor” system in place yet so my vaccine card is traveling everywhere with me right now. The train station is at the entrance to the Disney complex (BRILLIANT!) and immediately there was the COVID queue. With my CDC card in hand I was sent to a manager to review it and verify my ID. My heart skipped a quick beat as they stared at the little white square I handed them, they may not have seen one of these yet with the rule so new, but they finally handed me back my information and waived me through. The entrance to the Parc is lovely and, well, quiet. While the line to scan tickets and enter the park was long it was only because nobody seemed to have their shit together and pretty much every single person had to fumble around to find their barcodes to get in. I hate it when people aren’t prepared. I took a selfie with the under-construction castle for no good reason since the castle is under construction and between my hat, sunglasses, and mask, there’s not much to see of me!

I knew which rides I wanted to hit and after reviewing wait times on the app decided to start with their Haunted Mansion and it’s 13-minute queue. I wish I could report on how their Haunted Mansion was, I’ve read that it’s grimmer than in the US, but the ride broke down before I could make it on. Fine, off to Thunder Mountain since it was close by and then to get some food as my cup of yogurt and peanut butter toast breakfast was wearing off and I was hungry. Thunder Mountain tied with HyperSpace Mountain for my longest wait time of the day, at about 25 minutes. The worst part about going to an amusement park alone? Waiting in lines with nothing to do and nobody to talk with. I couldn’t even eavesdrop on the conversations around me because they weren’t in English. Thunder Mountain is my favorite Disney ride so I was excited and eager. It was ok. Short and mild. Hmm.

I didn’t see any concession stands open yet and the app showed a short wait at Indiana Jones so I figured I could wait a little longer to eat. Their Indiana Jones is an outdoor rollercoaster as opposed to the indoor thrill ride of the US parks. It was a little more “intense” as the roller coaster had an upside down loop but the entire ride lasted maybe 30 seconds. This rang true for every ride of the day; all seemed way shorter than the versions at their California and Florida counterparts.

It had reached 11:30 which seemed to be the opening time for food service according to the app but NOTHING SEEMED TO BE OPEN! Everyone I saw eating was picnicking on food that they had brought with them. After some wandering and app consulting and more wandering and more app consulting, because most of the restaurants that were open required reservations, I finally was able to get some food at the Lucky Nugget. My blood sugar levels were rapidly deteriorating. The host at the door instructed me to scan a QR code before I could enter, I thought it was the menu, but nope, it was a COVID contact tracing form. For all their restaurants and indoor dining establishments completing the contact tracing form was required before entry. In what I have found to be the Parisian way, the Parc also offered a selection of pre-fix menus with options. I chose the cheeseburger with salad and a side of fruit for the dessert. The ice cream sundae option looked good but a belly ache didn’t sound good. There were only two entree options, the burger or ribs. This worked out well for me as it meant my food was served almost immediately upon being seated. It may have just been because I was hungry but that was a damn good cheeseburger. I don’t even like arugula but this cheddar, mushroom, mayo, arugula burger was delicious. I watched desserts being served and begged the waitress to change my selection to the ice cream sundae. The fruit coming out looked like it came straight out of a Dole fruit cocktail can and that simply would not work for me. The switch was a good choice. I was actually feeling pretty full but I still ate every last bit of that little sundae. Knowing how hard it was to find food I was like a bear getting ready to hibernate, fill me up, I don’t know where or when I’ll find my next meal!

Sitting alone with my burger I reflected on the times we went to the California version to eat when I was a child. Though there are no showgirls these days the surroundings felt the same and it made me nostalgic. For some reason I almost teared up thinking back to those early childhood years. I must be really exhausted.

I won’t go into detail on all the rides but I can easily make a generalization that with little exception, they all seemed like simpler and shorter versions of the US parks. The only exception being their Space Mountain which is Hyperspace Mountain, a Star Wars themed thriller that was definitely more intense, think Space Mountain on steroids. Perhaps that’s why my neck hurts right now.

Whereas the experience we had at Magic Kingdom in Florida last November had ridiculous crowds that barely reflected any signs of a global pandemic (except for masks and no benches in the park – limited capacity my ass, that place was a shit show), here the COVID affect was strong. Most rides had 0-10 minute wait times and at no point did it ever feel the least bit crowded. The only time you had to be close to anyone was either in line for or exiting a ride. The fact that I could take any pictures of Parc with no, or very few, people in the shots is a clear depiction of how few people were there.

Even Pirates of the Caribbean had zero wait time. As did It’s a Small World, which I only went on in honor of my mother. Can we talk about that, about Small World simply being a depiction of a bunch of stereotypes? How have the woke not jumped all over Disney for that yet?

Character actors didn’t wonder the Parc like the fancy-free days of pre-COVID but they were out, situated behind some type of barrier so people couldn’t get close. Snow White and her Prince would change poses every few seconds in what can best be described as their best attempts to vogue. I could not help myself and had to stop and stare. I’m glad they couldn’t see me laughing beneath my mask.

After working my way through the teeny park, (it’s really small – like half the size of Disneyland), I hopped on over to Walt Disney Studios, their second and even smaller park. In researching I had read that their new Crush’s Coaster, a Finding Nemo themed ride, was like totally awesome. Apparently people actually think so since it requires a Standby Pass to even get into the line. I was worried because I’d accidentally registered for a standby pass too early in the day when I was still in the Disney Parc but apparently the half an hour window they give you is just a suggestion and as long as you’ve registered at some point they seem to let you in. It was ok, it could have been good but just as it started to get good, it was over. The only other ride I did at the Studios was a Cars themed thing. I thought it would be like the Cars race at Disneyland but turns out it was just a tram of some sort. Since there was ZERO wait time I hopped on. The little tram takes you on what is supposed to be a Route 66 theme but only has one attraction on the route, a canyon where a gas truck catches fire and then a flood comes and puts it out. The lady in front of me had an “I have no regrets” tattoo on her upper back and I spent most of the “ride” wondering how much regret-worthy shit one must have done to have ever felt the need to get such a tattoo. Speaking of tattoos, they are relatively common in Paris from what I’ve seen but never in color and always pretty poorly done.

With my neck and back issues I’ve never been a fan of rides that drop you straight down like the Tower of Terror and Parachute drop thing seem to do and the other rides were clearly for little little kids so within an hour I was done there. I had gotten into the main Parc around 10:30 and by 3:45 I had completed both. I guess I was going to make it back to Paris in time for my 8pm Eiffel Tower reservation after all! There was no need to rush so I went back to the Disney Parc to see about Haunted Mansion but did not feel like waiting in another 30 minute line, I’m guessing it was long since I wasn’t the only one trying to catch up after it had broken down earlier, I moseyed through a few of the shops, grabbed an exceptionally subpar hazelnut beignet for a snack, and by 5pm I was seated on the train headed back to Paris.

Overall, the Parc simply lacked the magic of Disney back home. While the attractions were visually well done there were few little details around the park. The most magical was when the shop clerk told me that a bag was 1,90 euro (very expensive he emphasized) but upon learning I was from the US pulled one out with fanfare to give to me. “My manager left the room and Disney is from your country, the bag is yours.”

Walking back to my AirBnB from the train station a little dog, a Frenchie coincidently, was refusing to move from his position seated on a ramp in the Seine. I get it, I though about joining him. The sun back in Paris felt stronger and hotter than it had been in Chessy. Instead of joining the pup in the Seine, I opted for a cool shower. It wasn’t cold enough though and I was sweating again before I had even gotten dressed. Passport in hand, I left to hit up a shop to treat myself to something pretty. There may be a little bag I eyed on Monday that would look good on my shoulder… I actually tried to buy it yesterday to celebrate after the Board call I was on (exciting times ahead for my organization!) but needed my passport so they could process the sale as duty free and I could get the taxes back! My poor feet are in sad shape from all my walking on this trip (over 29,000 steps each day) and as soon as I stepped onto the cobblestone street it was clearly worth the six flights of stairs back up to the apartment to change my shoes and try again.

My shopping experience was superb. The little bag is completely sold out and not available anywhere in the US and I was getting the last one they had in the Paris stores. Thankfully they had reserved it for me when I first saw it on Monday. Third time’s a charm; this trip to the shop and that bag was mine! The lovely lady who helped me, Marine, was like my own personal shopper as we also sniffed out perfumes and such. Even more exciting, the bag was already about 20% cheaper than it would sell for in the US, were it not sold out(!), and I’d get an additional 15% or so back for the taxes.

As I navigated the streets and Metro back to the AirBnB to drop off my purchase I noted how well the Metro system has been working for me, but made a note that I didn’t want to blog about it yet lest I jinx it.

Purchase safe in the apartment, now it was time to figure out my evening. I had an 8pm reservation for the Eiffel Tower but was having a hell of a time trying to figure out how to get there. Google Maps kept giving me a bus as the public transit option, which was not going to happen, and the 3+ miles were too far to walk at once with my feet in such pain. Plus I was having a hard time trying to research non-tourist trap restaurants in its vicinity. I was already hungry and getting frustrated trying to figure it out all out so I made a decision that put my mind at ease. To hell with the Eiffel Tower, I’d rather blow it off and just eat.

I decided to try to get a seat at Clamato tonight. They are a beloved restaurant of a Paris food writer/tv show producer, and according to her, as she has been nice enough to correspond with me, is the only place in town to get oysters. They are out of season here but the owner at Clamato has a hook-up.

Well, apparently just thinking about the Metro ease was enough to jinx it. While I made it to my stop with no problem, for the first time I encountered a ticket check at the exit. Two guards stopped each and every person and requested to see their tickets as they departed the station. I may have had my Metro card but, well, that rolling the dice on not taking a photo to attach to it cost me a pretty penny. Yup, I got busted and had to fork over a 50 euro (about $60) fine on the spot. At least I had cash euros, that I had ordered from the bank a month ago, with which to pay so it didn’t sting as bad. I went straight to the photo booth after finishing with the guards and my picture clearly shows how I felt about the situation.

Clamato was packed but they found a counter seat for me. And I’d say it was the best seat in the house. My counter view was right into the “kitchen” where the chef and sous chef prepared all the dishes. I watched their precision as they made my order of deviled eggs right in front of me and measured out roe to precision for each egg. It was an ideal situation as I could order based on what I saw them making! The oysters were just ok but that’s not their fault and they are out of season. But the rest of my meal was perfection. Deviled eggs, clams, tuna, and tomatoes. Doesn’t sound exciting right? But you are so wrong. The deviled eggs were a perfect soft boiled egg with caviar, with caviar; need I say more? Nope. The clams, served in smoked butter, were the best I’ve ever had. Smoked butter!! I don’t know how you smoke butter but holy moly. I sopped up every last drop with the bread. No smoked butter would go to waste! And the tuna, oh the tuna! A beautiful sashimi that I watched them carve off of the fish in front of me, with a raspberry vinaigrette and fresh raspberries. Who knew tuna and raspberries belonged together?! The two chefs were a flurry in the kitchen. I was sad that I was too full for dessert. If you are ever in Paris, eat here!

To top my evening off, I even found a light in the apartment staircase when I got back! Mind you; it’s a total of two light bulbs in the six-story spiral but it’s something.